Its been almost five months since i moved back in with my parents. Although I love them dearly and they accept who i am, we do have alot of differences. The generation gap is pretty apparent, and my fathers upcoming 60th birthday makes me think of it more and more. I caught myself thinking today about how much more i used to hang out with my dad. We would go roller bladeing everyday and go kayaking almost every weekend. we would go to the beach and take trips to cocoa beach or sanabel island. Its been years now, since we really spent any time together as a family, but our intests are now seemingly so different and for the most part it just doesnt feel like theres enough hours in the day. Ontop of that, as horrible as it seems i feel like this is my time to be selfish, still be the best person i can be, but really focus on myself. I'm 20 years old, single, and i want to do things to improve the rest of my life, my future, and even myself. Unfortunatly sense they are pushing 60 its a point in there lives where they feel like spending more time with their families, and sadly im pretty much the only family they have in florida, everyone else lives thousands of miles away. I feel like i am the only thing tying them down from being somewhere else where they could be happier and it makes me feel horrible. anyways for some reasom i feel closer to them when we don't live together, i need a better job so i can move out again. i need to buckle down and start the hunt again but sense i already have a job i feel so complacent, because before outback i went on dozens of interviews for almost 3 months and it all seemed so futile.
sorry i really use this as an actual journal way too much.
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I feel the same way about my family, my father is 62, (almost exactly 40 yrs older then me to the day) I am their baby, just like you are your parents baby...to tell you the truth,when I focus on everyone else other than myself, my parents always give me the advice to be selfish...you are right, this is your time...and believe me they know it and they are proud of you for it! you are growing up, and that's part of it, in order to make your way you have to leave the nest...don't feel bad...they know you love them.
ReplyDeleteI could have said similar things when I was your age. My father was 50 when I was born, and the generational gap is a serious limitation on a father/daughter relationship. And believe me, I understand your wanting to be selfish right now because you're young and single, and later on, selfish may not even be an option. But consider this - life is short and we don't have ownership on it. My dad passed away on Valentine's day last year, and I feel that I wasted too much time being "selfish" and had many regrets. It goes deeper than that, and it would take me very long to explain (hence why I'm writing a memoir...), but the only advice I can give is to reach a balance where you can be selfish at times, but enjoy your parents as much as you can because when they're gone, there's no going back.
ReplyDeleteSorry - didn't mean for it to be a downer lol. It's just something that hits close to home.