ultra music festival

I am so excited, I started promoting for ultra (for the second year) about a month ago, so i wouldn't have to pay for my tickets , and get to let people know about this amazing event , but it has only been the last week or so that i have been getting very excited. The final phase of the lineup finally came out and this year has the sickest lineup that i have had the chance to see. I just started making my first day outfit and am looking to put everything together, which sadly makes me really excited. Its pretty shallow of me to take so much pride in putting together an outfit but its a lot of fun for me and brings me a lot of joy. Its nice to have something to look forward to. Ultra is always an event to remember, this year will be interesting, as it always is because of they mix of the people, but no matter what its going to be a great time. Shortly after ultra is going to be my 20th birthday, not sure how i feel about that one, I'll probably be more excited next year.

every breath...

Every breath i take, a constant reminder that you are not with me, no longer a large part of my life. The familiar scent of you that lingered, in my bed, on stuffed animals, and other things, is now completely gone. Reminding me of the lack of your presence, although your ghost is still with me; on my mind in my heart, every moment of everyday, but the lack of physical reminders kill me. Things as small as the scent you exude, to the feeling of your touch, or the sweet sound of your voice. Longing to feel your lips on mine again, to feel your heartbeat. Its been too long for me to still feel this way. Its been too long for you to still feel like your drowning. You know my heart is still yours, that i will be all yours at the drop of a hat. But your with her. You keep my heart on a string, for some reason this thinnest of all strings is the hardest to cut.

heartless

Its been so long since I've had my heart, instead i have a hole filled with too many tears. its been 7 months since my ex boyfriend left me, and still we care about each other but the caring causes more and more resentment and space that pushes us apart. He has a girlfriend but can't seem to get over my activities, i am seeing someone who treats me like a goddess, but my heart still belongs to another, i feel like an asshole, i managed to ruin the relationship i always wanted and don't appreciate the boy who will massage me until his fingers are raw and pained, and hold me when i am crying about another. I wonder if I'll ever have my heart back, and if i do get it back will i ever want to give it away again? I don't know what to do with myself any longer, besides focus on me and hope i will get closure somewhere along the way. Love hurts, i don't know whether to be happy when i start going numb, or if i will be sad when i become jaded and the thrill and emotion of life's twist and turns don't phase me.

as i sit in traffic

as i sit in traffic i light up a cigarette, although i seldom smoke, today i am stressed, depressed, unhappy, i look to my left and i see an older man giving me a dirty look, i wonder what he is thinking, chances are he thinks i am 16 and too young to have picked up such a bad habbit, i wonder what his life is like, and why he keeps on starring at me, then i wonder why am i smoking this cigarette. i quit almost 2 years ago i shouldn't let a bad day get me started on an old habbit, guess this guy looking at me, judging me, helped me make a good dission .