ultra music festival

I am so excited, I started promoting for ultra (for the second year) about a month ago, so i wouldn't have to pay for my tickets , and get to let people know about this amazing event , but it has only been the last week or so that i have been getting very excited. The final phase of the lineup finally came out and this year has the sickest lineup that i have had the chance to see. I just started making my first day outfit and am looking to put everything together, which sadly makes me really excited. Its pretty shallow of me to take so much pride in putting together an outfit but its a lot of fun for me and brings me a lot of joy. Its nice to have something to look forward to. Ultra is always an event to remember, this year will be interesting, as it always is because of they mix of the people, but no matter what its going to be a great time. Shortly after ultra is going to be my 20th birthday, not sure how i feel about that one, I'll probably be more excited next year.

every breath...

Every breath i take, a constant reminder that you are not with me, no longer a large part of my life. The familiar scent of you that lingered, in my bed, on stuffed animals, and other things, is now completely gone. Reminding me of the lack of your presence, although your ghost is still with me; on my mind in my heart, every moment of everyday, but the lack of physical reminders kill me. Things as small as the scent you exude, to the feeling of your touch, or the sweet sound of your voice. Longing to feel your lips on mine again, to feel your heartbeat. Its been too long for me to still feel this way. Its been too long for you to still feel like your drowning. You know my heart is still yours, that i will be all yours at the drop of a hat. But your with her. You keep my heart on a string, for some reason this thinnest of all strings is the hardest to cut.

heartless

Its been so long since I've had my heart, instead i have a hole filled with too many tears. its been 7 months since my ex boyfriend left me, and still we care about each other but the caring causes more and more resentment and space that pushes us apart. He has a girlfriend but can't seem to get over my activities, i am seeing someone who treats me like a goddess, but my heart still belongs to another, i feel like an asshole, i managed to ruin the relationship i always wanted and don't appreciate the boy who will massage me until his fingers are raw and pained, and hold me when i am crying about another. I wonder if I'll ever have my heart back, and if i do get it back will i ever want to give it away again? I don't know what to do with myself any longer, besides focus on me and hope i will get closure somewhere along the way. Love hurts, i don't know whether to be happy when i start going numb, or if i will be sad when i become jaded and the thrill and emotion of life's twist and turns don't phase me.

as i sit in traffic

as i sit in traffic i light up a cigarette, although i seldom smoke, today i am stressed, depressed, unhappy, i look to my left and i see an older man giving me a dirty look, i wonder what he is thinking, chances are he thinks i am 16 and too young to have picked up such a bad habbit, i wonder what his life is like, and why he keeps on starring at me, then i wonder why am i smoking this cigarette. i quit almost 2 years ago i shouldn't let a bad day get me started on an old habbit, guess this guy looking at me, judging me, helped me make a good dission .

the bass

Last night, was definitely a night to remember. Breaks, Dubstep, and Drum and Bass all night. The night began walking through the doors and being denied entrance. I am a very determined person so i said the magic words that aren't necessarily true "I'm a dancer" after that i was not hassled for anything as trivial as an ID. The bass runs through my skin and into my veins, sometimes dancing to a good beat is better than sex. A few DJ's, and drinks later the main act is up AK1200 my friend (who really is a dancer) uses the pulsing beat as her muse, she puts on an amazing show to accent the music. The night is danced away in the room made warm and humid by sweating bodies, all beacause of THE BASS.

one step closer

I never thought i would enjoy going to school. When i was in high school, even in middle school and elementary school i never wanted to go. Throughout high school i never thought i wanted to go to collage. Thanks to my ex-boyfriend i realized that it is unfortunately very hard to get anywhere in life without at least an AA. I took a little bit over a year off of school and then enrolled in my first semester of school. Although it has only been a few days of classes i actually enjoy going to school now. Maybe its because i am now paying for my classes, maybe its because i know I'm doing something good for myself, more than likely its a combination. I am so happy that i actually enjoy going to school, i feel like its taking me a step closer to achieving my goals and making my dreams come true.

constantly mis-judged

The fetish scene, just hearing those words will conjour images of kinky unsafe sex for the unknowing masses. Not only sex but higher risk behaviors. This is not necisarily true. I work for a fetish company and intercourse is not the main attraction, nor is it what the club is made for. Do some people have sex at fetish parties, i would be lying if i said no but for the most part its more about the idea of living your fantasies, to be in a place where it is okay to be yourself and not be judged for your "fetishes", or even to just be someone completely different for a night, or play with people with similar intrests if thats what tickles your fancy. Otherwise you can just dance to some industrial music and meet other open minded people. Fetish parties are to have a safe place to let your fantasies go, not a haven for rapists and deviants, these clubs are made for consentual adults, who if they choose to play use protection it is also a place to simply have fun and socialize. People assume because someone is in the fetish scene that they are promiscuous, well i can put that myth to bed (no pun intended) me and several of my friends in the scene have had less parterns then the majority of people who are "vanilla" in there sex lives. You can embrass your sexuality and be comfortable with it without being a whore. Puritain views of sex is what makes it dirty, we are naturally sexual creatures, and there is nothing wrong with expressing that.